Unplugged.

So I went camping this weekend with my family and friends.  I was kind of nervous/excited to unplug for a couple days... no internet... no DVR.... and no phone (k the no phone part wasn't planned AND was pure hell.) but anyway.  I think the last time I completely unplugged was when I got married.  So it's been a while and I am hopelessly addicted to the internet, it truly is an ADD wonderland!

Example:

Someone announces on FB they are having a baby...

Remember my sis is having a baby and google what a 13 week old fetus looks like...

Then realize I haven't checked my friends blog who is just about to have a baby, read a post talking about her other daughter who is sick...

Realize my daughter has a cold too, google "when to take your 2 year old to the doctor."

Wind up on WebMD and notice an ad for shoes....

Check Zappos.com to see how my shoe return is going...

Start browsing more shoes and realize my son need new shoes for school....

browse boys shoes...

realize he needs more than shoes he needs clothes!....

Check my email for sales going on at my favorite kid stores...

While on email read through a few and then start opening windows left and right... Sale here! Coupon here! Latest new on this! And on and on and on it goes....

and this goes on all while I'm listening to grooveshark or pandora, have my google reader up and am watching Hulu and editing pictures.

And this happens everyday. And truthfully it is so much worse than I make it sound.

So yes, I decided unplugging would do me some good!

....

Friday after we're FINALLY ready to go we make our last stop. We stop at the grocery store and I stay in the car with the kids so Doug can run in.

So as I'm parked there by the door in the no parking zone Doug begins to jump out and... we see her.

A frail little old lady in white slacks a flowered shirt and penny loafers.  She has brown hair styled in a shampoo set and has a slight limp and is using a walker.

It literally knocked the wind out of me and I began to cry...

It was my grandma...


Who died 4 months ago.


Well at least I thought so for a brief second until she turned her head my way, and I realized her face looked nothing like her.

It was the worst thing that could happen right before I headed up in to the mountains for a few days- because I was unplugged.

I was so emotional and moody the entire trip and would just start tearing up over the silliest things and couldn't figure out why.

Until I got home and sat down and relaxed... unplugged.


I am so far from getting over her.


It made me realize the reason I stay online so much... the reason I don't go to bed until two... the reason I try not to have any down time... is because I will think of her, and then it hurts.

So bad.

It's hard to think I may never have a friend like her again.  I have great friends don't get me wrong. But it's hard to find a friend who believes in you and backs you 100% of the time.  Who doesn't judge you, or doesn't talk about you behind your back. A friend that would do anything for you and always takes your side in every situation.

But I guess that's not what friends are for.  They are supposed to challenge you once in a while.  They are there to give you their honest opinion.  "Yes those jeans make your butt look big." Friends do the best they can, but sometimes it's hard because there can jealousy or hurt feelings over silly things or misunderstandings.  But backing you ALL the time?  NEVER judging you?  That just isn't realistic. And heaven knows I could be a better friend!

....


It makes me sad because I won't be able to best friends with my own kids because I have to be a parent.  I have to lay the law down and tell them what to do. I'm not always going to back them all the time.  "What do you mean you want to be a circus clown when you grow up?!" - (actual reference to my son.)

So I'm holding on to hope that someday I'll get the chance to be a grandma and that I'll have grandkids I can be best friends with.  I hoping that I'll get to spoil them all the time and that I'll have the house they'll always want to visit.  I hope that I can stuff them all with candy and tell them how perfectly skinny they are.  I hope that they will tell me their crazy ideas and plans and I'll back them all the time.  I hope they tell me how mean their parents are and I'll wholeheartedly agree. ;)  "Your right your mother is so mean! She's been that way since she was born!" ;)

....


So all in all I think unplugging was good for me, but it was hard.  And not in the way I expected.  Not being on FB was easy, not blogging or editing pictures was a good break, google also got a much needed rest.  Oh and you know I didn't miss WebMD! ;)  But not being able to zone out was hard.  I hope I didn't scare my family and friends away with being so moody, but I'm glad I finally figured out why and now I'll try to think of my Grams more often and allow myself to mourn her death.
 
And also try and take better care of myself so I can get to be 80 and spoil me some mini best friends. :P